So here is the big exploration for me. When you are experiencing sexual attraction, do you ever ask yourself where is the attraction coming from?
And, what makes attraction real?
For myself often I would experience deep connections with people, immediate feelings of love, bliss, intimacy and connection that would alight in multidimensional ways. It took me a long time to realise there was a refinement here being called for, that the foundation of even what felt so good and resonant was up for questioning. What led me to question the foundation of my authentic experience, would be a misalignment, usually between that connection and love and the rest of my reality, and this speaks into non-sexual connections too. Such as, he doesn't want relationship, or he is with another woman, or his life path is taking him in another direction.
As an example, recently I experienced intense sexual attraction towards a past lover. I could say intimacy with this person was one of the biggest heart openers in my history of relationship & I am really at peace with our friendship. The way arousal appeared though this time was like it was against my will, despite how much I love him. I have been noticing this theme for some time, an initiation arising for me through having experiences of intense attraction alongside being compelled to say no to the desire because of an awareness of misalignment. In this case I was feeling deeply aroused and compelled to them physically but I was experiencing a distinction between their true nature and an entity that was compelling arousal. (I used the word entity to describe separation; awareness of any-one or thing that I am not unified with at a level of source). It was like going to battle with the entity to reclaim what was real, in order to re-grounded the relating into authenticity/unified expression, but all the while I was asking myself is what is real exclusive of this entity?
I do not write this to put the focus on this person but to highlight there was an experience of a me, an entity and realness (unification with emptiness). In separation.
I knew I did not want to be intimate with them and yet my body was saying something else. This was very unsettling and I noticed how much of my energy the situation demanded; no wonder since the entity was the vampire archetype. I recognised this is something people are feeling into all the time, deep arousal that is in misalignment to the moment and their reality, and a deep assumption because you feel love for the person and there is an experience of connection, that the sexual energy is authentic, and the arousal is something that wants to be honored and possibly even built upon. As far as I can see, many Poly-amorous communities are built in this way. It really does not feel like a good use of energy to me.
The key is realising that what is not in integrity is a pathway towards a new realisation of what is real. What-ever is experiencing separation is up for re-reclamation which makes it an opportune moment to dive in, explore, become and embody all the parts; but within yourself first. Then when in unification, see what remains, and is real between you and another... What if you become the separate experience of your deepest attraction, to a point where it is embedded within the integrity of your truest nature.
To recognise you have the capacity to choose whether you build and sustain sexual attraction with another is like being the master gardener but the tree itself is the realisation you are creating the arousal itself, its creation is based upon the foundations of what you are fundamentally and its up to you alone where you plant your seeds/self; This feels like the true sexual re-evolution.
To say arousal is just happening feels like a slave paradigm to me; it makes me want to shake the snake out of the tree and ask myself or you, "What, is happening to you?" "What is the source of that happening?"
It is a powerful question and paradigm shifter to ask...What if we have never experienced our true sexuality, but up to this point everything that has been known or experienced before has been built upon the foundation of separation or duality?
I know hardly any Tantric Practitioners who have realised themselves as the source of sexuality in its divine perfection, and are not only teaching from that foundation but embodying it; willing to navigate through the messy details of betrayal, hurt, scorn towards the deepest claiming of emptiness in form towards the true claiming of what we are. Not many, this not a lived level of realisation common to the field of sexuality. I even wonder how grounded on the planet what I am speaking into actually is.
I do see paradigms of sexual healing and conscious connection paradigms built up upon the
assumption that when there is attraction and connection it is real, and it should be honored and acted upon as a result. I have often walked into a room full of people say at a “conscious cuddle
party” for example and the first thing I usually feel is, omg, there is so much happening in this room beyond the obvious. We are powerful sexual beings, so the more sensitive you are, the more
keenly you will feel misalignment in your experience & environment.
So go the root of it, in yourself.
As long as the source of sexual attraction and the nature of the connection you're experiencing is coming from something outside of you (separation), there will always be the seeking of it or pushing of it away or managing of it. I am excited as this new opening in myself simmers, to discover based upon this realisation of truth to discover authentic sexual attraction/connection. I will let you know what I discover. A big key, is knowing what it is not.
Authenticity is not fixed, neither is realness, what we understand that to be is always changing as we change, along with our deepening realisations of self and true nature.
The level of authenticity I speak into here is the mastery of the vampire. To master you own use of energy, through knowing yourself as the source of that energy and a seamless awareness in its continued creative expression.
You are master of your own reality, and never let anything one or thing convince you otherwise. Explore every angle of yourself, and discover what it is to see clearly, from source.
These notes belong to a wider exploration of Almines principles of higher magic; Principle one "I am the Source of Revealed Perfection"